by: John
Dear God,
I am writing to you from halfway through the new Beautiful Mistake album "Light A Match For I Deserve To Burn." First off, I'll have you know, as I'm sure that it is a sin, that I am listening to this album for the sole purpose of reviewing it to inform the public. The reason that I am writing you is that this record has spawned some unwelcome emotions and is causing me to question your existence. You see, this album is awful. I'm not quite sure how the recording of this record managed to escape your all-knowing mind. I might even go so far as to call this a plague against mankind. Or perhaps it is a sign of the apocalypse, in which case, please take me now before the record ends.
I knew from the moment the record began: a distorted chord progression on the guitar melted into a clean twinkly part. Then back to the distortion which was accompanied by nasally vocals carrying a remarkably standard melody line. Then in the back of my head, something was telling me the guy would start randomly screaming. Lo and behold! He did! Imagine that. I hope you are following me God. What I'm trying to say is that this album is forty-eight minutes of cliche. I guess this type of music is what the kids call "emo-core." The problem with this style of music is that there are no more innovators. The same parts keep getting recycled and the bands all start sounding the same. If you were familiar with the style, this album, like many of its ilk, loses it's appeal about thirty seconds in. For those unfamiliar with "emotional hardcore," expect this record to lose your interest part way into the second song when you realize it is not only sonically identical to the first, but it is also equally as bad. The alleged single, "Circular Parade," is so cookie-cutter is transcends laughter and puts me at a breaking point.
I could go into great lengths about how trite the material found here is. In fact, you could jump to a random point in any track and hear what I'm talking about. People will try to defend this album by calling it "emotional" or even "beautiful." Lord, these poor weak-minded people have fallen under a horrible spell induced by overexposure to substance free music. This is why I'm writing you today. Please lead me through this mire and deliever me from bad music. The Beautiful Mistake is obviously a tool of the devil. Just examine the confusion inherent in their band name. Their music is far from beautiful but the very existence of the band is definitely a mistake. I know you are a busy diety but I feel you also have a duty to protect us from such evil. Thank you for your time and consideration. Sorry for ever doubting you.
Best Friends Forever,
John xoxoxo
PS. Poker at my house, this Friday. Be there.
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